Did it hurt when you fell off the bandwagon?

13 Nov
By: Alia
 

I’d like to break our silence by bitching about something– I know it’s a big change of pace for me because I’m usually so solemn and demure.

Bandwagon fans.

“THIS SHOULD DO UNTIL PLAYOFFS WHEN I HAVE TO CHOOSE MY FAVORITE TEAM AGAIN.”

Exponentially more irritating than typical super fans. These people adopt a team that’s doing well for the sake of talking shit. And I get it because I like talking shit, too, which is why being a Buckeye fan really works in my favor. But I am consistently a Buckeye fan, cradle to grave, even when they have a losing season and Michigan still struggles to beat them. Even when I have to endure the dumbest comments of all like “winningest program in history dude, winningest program! hail!” Yeah, and America used to be the best country, but we’re struggling with our identity now because things change and unless you can resurrect the 1947 football team, shaddap.

But, I’m getting away from myself. Because even Michigan fans have to suffer the abuse they get when they lose.

Anyway, when Ohio State loses a game, it ruins my entire day and I pout and refuse to go out that night, but I don’t just become an Alabama fan…even though they lost last weekend :D Don’t worry, I’m sure they’ll still get a ticket to the national championship handed to them on a silver platter.

Or how about the people who were born and raised in, let’s say Toledo, Ohio. You’re going to find that generally we like Detroit or Cleveland professional teams and Ohio State (or Michigan, I guess) football. I’m not saying that holds true for every person because there are people whose parents went to some college that they have a loyalty to and that’s fine. Or some people whose grandpa played football for some school and that’s fine. But have some rhyme or reason for why you love a team and love them unconditionally.

Here’s a fun sports fan medley: fan of the Dallas Cowboys, Michigan football, Duke basketball, the Yankees, and the Lakers. This freak is driving the bandwagon. So you have a loyalty to winning?

LOL, I mean, besides when the NYY are sWEPT by the Tigers, of course. And do you see what I just did right there? The Tigers just got swept in the World Series and I’m still obnoxiously talking shit in support of them. But we were the 2012 AL Champs so relax.

Most often, children can fall victim to this unfortunate trend. For instance, when I was little, who did I love? Michael Jordan. Why? 1) Because he saved the Looney Toons from imminent alien slavery, 2) because his Airness inspired an entire line of shoes (I love shoes), and 3) because he was the world’s greatest basketball player so it was unAmerican not to. So I would wear this hideous Chicago Bulls getup and hightop chucks like it was going out of style, which was impossible because that shit was never in style to begin with. But I feel absolutely no loyalty to the Bulls now. I couldn’t even tell you how their season went last year or how they’re projected to do this year. Just like I’d rather read about macro-economics than watch soccer even though I would lick sweat off of Cristiano Ronaldo’s post-game, pre-showered body. These just aren’t very good reasons to passionately follow a team.

Bandwagon fans are the ones who like to cheat at board games, yelled “no tap backs” when they played tag, and threw your controller on the ground when you beat them at super mario.

And just because there is no good way to wrap this up and I mentioned video games, I’m going to throw this video in for good measure.

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We <3 Baseball Season

17 Jun

Hey Columbus, Go Crew Yourself.

2 Apr
By: Stephanie
 

So over the weekend I attended the Columbus Crew v. Montreal Impact game.  As a new resident of Columbus, I thought it was a good step to assimilate myself in this city that definitely isn’t as awesome or athletically gifted as Cleveland. I’m sorry to say that in the beginning, I was relatively disappointed.

I am always entertained while watching football…or soccer… however, for the average sporting event attendee, I’m not sure if most of the game was worth exerting the energy to keep your eyes open to watch.  It was beneficial for me to watch because I learned how to improve my “oh shit I just f’d up that move and the defender nudged me so I’m going to crash into the ground dramatically just like the Colts’ performance did this past football season” act to con the ref into blowing his whistle.  I mean some of these players should highly consider the big screen.

Okay, so I might be over-exaggerating, but you get my point. And my apologies to Colts fans, but am I right or am I right?

In the first half, the Crew managed to make a simple foul look so dirty that the ref gave a red card. Was it worth the red card? Probably not, but I’ll take it.  This left Montreal having to play less one player.  Obviously, this gives the Crew an advantage.  Being that I was not impressed with the Montreal Impact, I was left disappointed in the Crew’s performance, as well.  Having the advantage of playing up one player for a majority of the game didn’t really do much for them.

I would have left the game pretty annoyed if the only goal was a penalty kick scored by the Crew.  Their saving grace was an awesome goal by #17 Olman Vargas. Honestly, it could not have been more perfect.  Perfect carry, perfect cross, perfect header right to the lower corner.  The goalie knew it was going in before he even attempted to save it, or should I say didn’t attempt.

FAST FORWARD TO 5:00…yup, it’s good!

I was so impressed with this goal, my initial opinion of the Crew changed.  I was content with my disappointment in the beginning, since I’m a Cleveland native and it’s something I’ve learned to handle well and do so with a smile, but the Crew has actually given me hope.  Not the hope that “there’s always next year,” but real hope.  It’s an unusual feeling to have, but I’m enjoying it.

P.S. Shout out to #17, if you end up reading this… you’re hot, and I’m single ;)

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The Birth of a New Rival

22 Mar

Brady cHoke is one clever guy. I’m always at the edge of my seat wondering what he’ll come up with next. And for those of you who don’t know me that well, I am being 113% entirely sarcastic.

Calling Ohio State “Ohio” is sort of like calling me Alia instead of Miss Kadri, which I’m completely fine with, by the way. But calling Michigan “that team up north” is like calling someone “what’s-your-face?” Now which one is more degrading?

But back to my first thought…seriously, what will he come up with next? He certainly cannot call us Ohio anymore, seeing as how Michigan’s basketball team destroyed the joke in an ironic loss to the Bobcats last week. He could call us O-H…but he’d probably be greeted with more enthusiastic “I-O” responses before he can get through the rest of his sentence. He could refer to us as “deeez nuts” but I think we’d enjoy that a little too much.

Honestly, with the recent struggles Michigan has had against MAC schools in the last couple of years, I’m surprised he even thought “reducing” us to a MAC school would work out in his favor. If anything, MAC schools bring forth a challenge just as tough as the next school. Ask their hockey team. And football team. And basketball team.

I’m not trying to insinuate that Michigan athletics suck (you can form your own opinions), I’m just truly curious as to what cute pet name he’ll generate for us now.

Any suggestions?

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March Sadness

6 Mar
By: Alia

Welllll well, welcome back. I know you’ve all been impatiently waiting for the next post and with the Big March Event commencing soon (and I’m not talking about St. Patties Day, ya big lush), what better time to write?

I’ve been so preoccupied with work (yeaaah babyyy, mama got a job) that I’ve barely had any free time to watch the championship games…

Nope. Not those games. No OFFENSE ladies :)

I’m talking about the ones that matter. Or in the B1G’s case, didn’t matter, because Ohio State had to share their title with the two ugly stepsisters.

But, now that we can put one hell of a disappointing season behind us, it is time to move onto greener pastures, where Sullinger won’t foul out of every game and Buford will hit more then 25% of his shots. It is time for MARCH MADNESS. Or as I like to call it, March Sadness, because my Buckeyes love to disappoint me…

My non-sport analysis of March Madness is that all the die-hard basketball fans who participate in the office pools every year WITHOUT FAIL, always lose to the non-sports fan who picks the winner based on which team’s color they like more. Nevertheless, here is a link to the NCAA Bracket Challenge. Have a ball.

Personally, I think the best part about the tournament is the upsets. You just don’t. See. It. Coming. It summons the “I had them going all the way!” chant of dashed hopes and opens up the door for your secretary, who picked the team with the orange shirts because it’s the color of her favorite Coach purse, to take it all. Not cool, but so funny.

Anyway, get your brackets ready and prepare for Selection Sunday. Who is your Final Four selection? Who’s making it to The Big Dance?? Hopefully some of you will be brave enough to think outside of the #1 and #2 teams.

Kentucky has been on a remarkable winning streak, but just how long can it last? If you ask the Red Wings, they’d say no more than 23 games in a row…and after beating Florida on Sunday for the 22nd W in a row, their wins could be numbered. I don’t ever bank on the #1 team taking it though, do you?

Project End Zone

25 Feb
By: Rachael 

Uniform violations…really?

only god and the fashion police

I can’t believe they created a group of people specifically to point out what’s wrong with athletes’ uniforms. Sounds really girly if you ask me. Judging is for girls. We like to point out what’s wrong with each other’s appearance based on what we believe is right…which, of course, there are general rules that apply. And it would be pretty cool to make girls pay me money for dressing like idiots out in public.

you can't unsee this

But what makes this aspect of sports so interesting is the OUTREAGEOUS fines that these players get for having even the smallest thing wrong with their uniforms.

Take, for example, Bernard Berrian. The Vikings WR was fined $5,000 in 2010 for wearing yellow cleats. Apparently his only options were black or purple cleats. Mind you, their colors are yellow, black & purple. Petty?

Or how about this one… Antoine Winfield, Vikings CB was fined $10,000 in 2010 for a sock violation. And it wasn’t the typical way in which guys violate a sock…it was because his socks were showing TOO much white. The white part of a Viking player’s sock should be worn over the full-length stockings in purple, must extend to the midpoint of the lower leg, and must meet the pants below the knee.

And it’s not just the NFL. Magglio Ordonez, the former Tiger (go Tigs!), was fined $1,000 for playing with his pants pocket hanging out in several games.

Like, really? How do you even notice that? Who has time to notice these things? How is that going to affect ANYONE? Or more importantly, who is paying these people to point out these things? Can I get a job?

What I would give to be able to point out what’s wrong with what people are wearing in this city and get paid for it. Dream job!

I just found this whole thing to be very comical and had to point it out. I wonder if the people issuing these fines laugh at themselves for finding the smallest mistakes with the player’s wardrobe.

Uniform Inspector: “Oh I think I found one…look at that pinstripe on his sock. It is WAY too thick. That’s going to cost him $5,000. Suckaa!” Clearly these are the people who are responsible for keeping sports fair.

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@DetroitRedWings #Winning

23 Feb
By: Alia

Usually the only thing I like on ice is a nice, stiff drink (two limes, please). Unless the Ice Capades are in town… But even I have to appreciate the perfection of what is going on up I-75 in Detroit.

When I look to That Team Up North with envy, it’s not the team that most would imagine (never!), rather, it is the sister-franchise of my beloved Detroit Tigers, the Red Wings. I was dancing in the aisles last September when the Tigs made the playoffs for only the second time in my life, but the Wings are what every Tiger fan aspires our team to be – playoff-contestants almost every year I’ve been alive; 21 straight seasons – the longest streak in professional sports.

How do you top that?

In 2012, the Wings made their mark in history in a game that dates back to 1897. Last season, Detroit lost over a third of its home games, and when the Calgary Flames beat them on November 3rd last year, they had already lost at Joe Louis Arena for the second time in 3 games.

And then it was over.

Three and half months and 23 games later and they have yet to lose again.

20 wins in a row at home matched two other NHL teams for the all-time record for one season.

22 wins in a row at home tied the 1929-30 Boston Bruins for the all-time NHL record.

And when Detroit defeated the San Jose Sharks 3 to 2 for their 23rd home game in a row, they accomplished a feat no other team can claim in the history of hockey.

True to fashion, the previous record-holders started making their comparisons, justifying the situation. The Great Depression-Era Bruins won 22 in regulation, while the Great Recession-Era Wings had the benefit of overtime and four shootouts in their 23, instead of five ties (the former scoring method).

Boston’s was in the “Original 6” period when the league’s six teams stretched from Bean Town to Chicago and the longest road trip was 1,000 miles by train. Detroit, in the Western Conference, flies as far as 3,000 miles west and back. The old-time Bruins took on the best players in Canada and the Eastern US; the Wings take on the greatest players from around the world.

The record also came with a Toledo-area Cinderella Story.

Seventeen games into the winning streak, starting goalie and NHL all-star Jimmy Howard, broke his finger and went on the disabled list. The Red Wings then called up Joey MacDonald from Grand Rapids as backup to their new goalie, Ty Conklin. MacDonald is a former goaltender for the late, great Toledo Storm and one of only a handful of alumni to make it to the Big Leagues.

In Conklin’s first game, he gave up a bunch of goals super early and Coach Babcock pulled him and replaced him with MacDonald, who was solid the rest of the way earning him the starting position next game. MacDonald got the win, Babcock gave him another shot and MacDonald produced another win…

As any good coach would do, Babcock stuck with MacDonald straight through the Red Wings six game home stand that concluded with the 3 to 2 victory over San Jose and Record Win #23. MacDonald’s ultimate reward occurred the next day when Howard came off the disabled list and Detroit released Conklin, keeping MacDonald as the backup for the remainder of the season.

Recognize: we can’t lose at home, and with 4-out-of-7 at our place each series, the math looks good for Detroit to hoist Lord Stanley for the fifth time in 15 years. Anyway, the Wings currently have the best record in the NHL. If they lead the league in points during the regular season, they get home ice throughout the playoffs.

THIS IS SPARTAAAAAA!

I wish I still had my Red Wings Starter jacket…

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Brady Quinn: The Crying Irish

21 Feb
By: Alia

Apparently Brady Quinn is not a Tebow fan. Read the kind words he had to say about his teammate…

1. I guess we won’t see him Tebowing anytime soon. “I’ll continue to lead, not necessarily by trying to get in front of the camera and praying, but by praying with my teammates, you know?”

 

2. On being demoted  from second-string when Tebow suddenly replaced Orton: “I felt like the fans had a lot to do with that. Just ’cause they were chanting his name. There was a big calling for him. No, I didn’t have any billboards. That would have been nice.”

 

3. And what does he attribute his team’s 2011 success to? ”We’ve had a lot of, I guess, luck to put it simply.” Well, we’ll give you the credit for that. After all, your college mascot was a leprechaun. Should be worth something…

 

Don’t take it too hard Brady– God is a busy girl, she only has time for one boyfriend. And while I can’t help you improve your passing game, I’m available if you need a shoulder to cry on. Call me :)

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Can I Getta Witness?

19 Feb
By: Stephanie

Being that I grew up in Cleveland, I see the city in a different light.  I see opportunity where others see a dead end. I see potential where others see disappointment. I see fun where others see a dirty city whose river caught fire.

But the one thing I don’t see is Lebron James dragging his sorry ass back to my city and everyone welcoming him with open arms.  That is why I say to Lebron: stay in Miami, you skeezy dirtbag.

Yes, I know there are those of you who think if Lebron does, in fact. want to come back to Cleveland we should roll out the red carpet, take him back, and stop being the team everyone shits on, but us Clevelanders are stubborn, and we do NOT forget, or forgive that easily.

I would rather say “there’s always next year” a thousand times over before I’d ever want to Witness LBJ don Cleveland colors ever again.  Okay, I’m not trying to be dramatic, but gouging my eyes out with a spork sounds far more enjoyable.

Sure, he dug Cleveland out of an on-going sports depression, but he also made fools out of a town that did nothing but praise him.  His departure from Cleveland was completely unprofessional.  It never should have been made into the spectacle that it was.  If Lebron is planning on returning, I (and I’m sure many other Cavs fans share the same thoughts), believe that I am entitled to hearing a few things first:

1. He must grant me the right to punch him in the face. That’s a personal request.

2. He must reimburse Cleveland at least 30% of his first year’s salary for the emotional damage he inflicted upon us in his departure.

3. He must sign a contract stating, “I will not be a whiny little bitch and throw away games because I’m too preoccupied with pouting.”

4. No matter how awesome he thinks he is, he must publically and repeatedly acknowledge the fact that Josh Cribbs is way more awesome than he is.  Josh Cribbs is the real hero of Cleveland <3

YES! That is awesome. Is it football season yet?!

5. And finally, he must recite the following speech, and it must be aired live and replayed on every type of media for at least 3 months. I also demand it be reprinted in the Plain Dealer and every resident of Cleveland will be given an authentically signed copy:

This process has not turned out in the way that I thought it would.  I had hoped to maintain my king status in Miami, but as it turns out, I’m a bigger dick than I thought I was.  I took Cavs fans for granted.  Where I stood out in Cleveland, I’m stuck in the shadows in Miami.  Not many people know my decision, only the small number I can count with my fingers.  Actually I lied, everyone but the City of Cleveland knows my decision, I just didn’t want to come off like a bigger asshole than I already am. I’m so ashamed of myself.

 This time around I’m not taking advice from any of my family or friends.  Clearly my agent sucks.  The decision I came to a long time ago is that I chose wrong before, and I’d like to take my talents back to Cleveland. It was all about sharing for me, and trying to share the headliner spot in Miami has just not been a success.  There’s no such thing as “everyone having their own spotlight.” In the end, it has to be all about me.  Cause I’m a tool.

 I understand many of the Cavs fans burned my jersey, cut it up, or ran it over a couple times with their cars, but my jersey will be distributed to all fans in Cleveland free of charge.  Yes, you can even still wear your shirts that say “the lying king” on it.  Because let’s face it, that’s what I am.

 

I hope Cavs fans can find it in their hearts to forgive me, but I know I have a lot to prove.  This time around, I won’t choke.

I’ve obviously made my stance clear, but I learned early on not to deal with a man’s bullshit. Where do you stand?

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Valentine’s Day – An Alternative View

13 Feb
By: Alia

A fellow blogger asked me to be a guest author on his blog Joe Montana’s Right Arm to offer my opinion on Valentine’s Day. We took a break from talking about sports to talk about one of the most popular and despised holidays in America. Take a second to click on the link and read about the five golden rules guys should follow for V-day. Thanks <3

You can check out my article on his blog here —> Valentine’s Day – An Alternative View

Or read on (but if you like sports, you should check out his stuff!):

Rule #1: Ignore Your Animal Instincts

Allow me to preface this first rule with a quick story. Dogs are very caring creatures and they’re so cute and cuddly (just like boys!), but the way they show their affection is so not ideal. Dogs run out, kill some disgusting rodent animal, and then present it to their masters as a gift of love. This is similar to a guy giving a girl flowers as a symbol of his love for her. No joke.

Don’t give flowers as a gift. The only thing to die quicker than a bouquet of flowers is my relationship with a man who buys them as a gift. It’s unoriginal, thoughtless, and quite frankly, they smell like crap.

Rule #2: Don’t Try Too Hard

You don’t have to think too hard about what gift to buy her. Believe it or not, clearing a whole night of “boyfriend girlfriend” time can often be better than anything you buy at a store. Yeah, crazy to think we like you more than presents, right?

When it comes to a perfect Valentine’s date, it’s not rocket science. It’s all about the chemistry. Plan something that will give us a reason to shave our legs and dress up fancy. Contrary to popular belief, lingerie isn’t just for men. We like to wear it too (preferably under a little black dress) because we like to look sexy and feel desirable.

Dinner will do just fine as long as you splurge and take her somewhere nice. But make sure you save dessert for when you get home. You never know where else that chocolate syrup might end up…

Rule #3: Chocolates = No.

Unless it’s the aforementioned chocolate syrup, f-o-r-g-e-t it. We didn’t spend three hours at the gym the day before so we could squeeze our asses into the aforementioned little black dress and lingerie to have it all undone by some chocolate covered cherry.

 

Rule #4: Don’t Cop Out

Asking a girl to “be your girlfriend” on Valentine’s Day is like having your birthday on the same day as Christmas. Spread the celebrations out. Your anniversary should be for a boring day when nothing else is happening to give you one more excuse every year to go out and celebrate. This is one of those times when 2-for-1 is not a good deal.

Rule #5: Whisper The 3 Magic Words

The element of surprise is overrated. Don’t try to guess our size or what we like if you really feel the need to get us a gift for Valentine’s Day. It would be WAY better to escort us to the mall, take us to the store, whisper those three magic words “anything you want,” and let us loose.

 

 

 

The bottom line is, there is no hard and fast rule for Valentine’s Day. The best thing you can do is to pay attention to the girl in your life, know her wants and needs better than some Hallmark holiday tells you, and deliver them with love.

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